When I was younger there was a gathering in my old church's parking lot in which we were all going to let go of a whole bunch of balloons into the air. I don't remember the reason why but there is one thing about that event that sticks out in my mind. I liked my ballon. I didn't want to let it go, you know like most little kids. The thing was everyone else was letting go of their balloons and I felt that I had to let my balloon go as well. My mom told me that I didn't have to let go of my balloon but I was so convinced that I had to let it go that just before we reached the safety of the car so that my balloon couldn't go anywhere I let go of the balloon and cried as I watched it float away. The thing is this memory had long been forgotten until recently while I am currently fighting depression. I have something that I am clinging to, my metaphorical balloon, and during depression there are a lot of feelings and thoughts inside your head that tell you that you have to let go of something or someone. That you have to give up and just let whatever you've held on to for so long to just float away as you watch it helplessly. But much like the distant voice of my mom there is something very faint inside of my head. Something so subtle that I almost missed it entirely. It's my real self. Whatever spark of myself remains is still inside of my head and its shouting "you don't have to let go". It's hopelessly outnumbered by the voices of hundreds of booming negative thoughts but I can still her it on occasion. To all of you who feel that you've lost yourself just sit quietly and listen for awhile. You'll hear a little voice, have a passing thought, or even dig up a long forgotten memory and it is at that time, however little that amount of time happens to be, that you'll realize that you just have to hang onto your balloon just a little longer until you reach the safety of the car. I know, it's a corny journal entrie. Something an Emo kid would write or something, but the difference between an Emo kid and myself is I'm doing something about it. I've done my research and found what I need to do in order to fight back. I suggest that everyone else do the same with whatever problem they have.